Foolishness since 2007

Foolishness since 2007
Foolishness since 2007

Monday, April 7, 2014

Another Rant

OK, here I go again on topic that may offend some. But, rather than be offended, why not try to explain to me, in a gentle manner, why I feel the way I do.

Regular readers of OBB know how we employ spanking in our lives. Neither of us ever completely give up control. No discipline, no punishment. That rules out DD, HoH, FLR and whatever else there is.

I am dominate in both personality and appearance. Bacall is normally charming, well liked, but wants it her way. Cross her and she will rip your throat out. We are both alpha’s.

No problem so far. Here we go.

I am repulsed by what I think is the mainstream male submissive. The desire to be humiliated is over the top for me. I know many would tell me to live and let live, but I feel these guys ruin it for me. If a guy wants to wear a dog collar, have his balls crushed by high heels, and be whipped that is his right. But I strongly resent it when this image is reflected on me when I only want to be spanked. Why you may ask does this get me revved up? I have experienced rejection more than once. I say I switch and the woman envisions me wanting her to chain me a cart by my balls and and pull the cart around. They are out the door before I can explain.

I have seen these guys at parties. Sitting by themselves, not talking, looking forlorn and wimpy. I have even tried to engage them. Make them feel better. Suggest they join in, to no avail.

Or perhaps I am wrong? Perhaps women’s attitude have changed? Ronnie recently posted a male submissive drawing by Underling, who to me, epitomizes the submissive male desire for humiliation. I was amazed by the number of positive comments from women that Ronnie received for the words she wrote. Is male submissiveness now accepted? Based just on the comments to her post it would seem so.


  1. Hi Bogey,

    There are lots of kinks that are not my kink. They don't have to be. As a female bottom, I am not attracted to a submissive man. But if he is expressing his deeply held desires, I recognize and salute his right to explore and enjoy this role. To condemn him for his interests seems to me no more legitimate than attacking the rest of us spankos for ours. In short, it's not up to me to decide what is an appropriate kink for other people (even if I do think that mutilating genitals of either variety is icky).

    When submissive women are supportive of submissive men, I think it may reflect a kinship that transcends gender. In addition, kinksters of every stripe (sorry) share the common challenge of trying to be ourselves in a society that doesn't understand. As humans, we are more alike than we are different.


  2. Had you written the post for me I am sure it would have been more clear what I am trying to get across. The key phrase is underlined, I strongly resent it when this image is reflected on me… That is why I resent some submissive men. Being submissive and bending over for the paddle are two different things.

  3. As a male bottom I have found that some women have the stronger "Mother" trait and I've been lucky to have such a woman. Not into anything kinky, she is not into humiliating me, she knows I need directions at time, and attitude adjustment. The "Mother" in her comes out, it is always to the "bedroom young man", always a scolding, and once my pants and underpants are down, her hand and hairbrush do the talking. I find this helps me, and this is who she is.

  4. Dear Anonymous, Thanks for your comment. I note you term yourself as a bottom, not a submissive. Sounds like you both are getting what you need.

  5. It is rather odd how the words "submissive" and "dominance" seem to becoming bad words within the scope of The Spanking Community. Focusing on the former, submission does not automatically equals a desire to be humiliated. Nor does it automatically defines a person of either gender as weak. That is a stereotype that needs to be corrected and it needs to be corrected yesterday.

    I am not sure what was the case of the men you had encountered, Bogey. But that is not the status quo. In fact there is no status quo. A male submissive can be a body builder, an exec, a lawyer or what have you. Would that make them any less of a man because they are submissves? No. It would not. Remember, that same alpha description you used on yourself and Bacall also applies to them.

    Now about this reflecting bad on you. Well, as an African-American male, I can sympathize somewhat, being that I have several negative imagery to contend with on a daily basis. And within The Spanking Community as a male top who enjoys to bottom, there are additional negative images that have been laid in my lap.

    Were you to see me live, you might consider me one of those men whom you believe reflect badly on you since I am not statuesque nor any of the other stereotypes heaped on male tops and doms. So, my answer to your distress at what you feel is to understand that what a person sees and what you are are two different entities.

    Bogey, I am getting the impression that your self image took a hit. It is understandable and I do feel for you. But take this to those who place that image on you. The male submissives are not the source of it.

    Not my best posting. I am on a bus enroute to work and must be quick.

  6. You got close, but missed my points. At parties, I have had to hide that I like to bottom, in order to top. Accept half a loaf, rather than non at all.
    Because some women think if you want to bottom, you can not fulfill their needs as a top.
    Call it discrimination. Call it whatever. But, it irritates me to be excluded because some submissive men want to grovel before a women.

    The end of the post asks if that perception is changing.

  7. Wow another serious toned post.

    Trying to understand; thus a question for you just for clarity.
    - Is it the same level ("over the top") for you if the "desire to be humiliated" is by a woman? or is it simply the males you have issue with; and because of what you perceive as negative reflection on you.

    To answer your final original question:
    I think male submissiveness is accepted more so now, but that does not necessarily equate to understanding to what degree that submissiveness exists in individuals.

    And that is exactly it; everyone is an individual and has his or her limits and desires. Unfortunately, across the spectrum assumptions are made and terms are used and generalized. That is what I think you have issue with. I am not sure it is certain submissiveness that are to "blame" for these assumptions. I think it is stereotyping and unfortunately occur everywhere. Can we blame certain individuals for adding to hose stereotypes? Perhaps in our daily outward lives, but in the fetish world and especially amongst consenting adults, I am not so sure.

    1. - Is it the same level ("over the top") for you if the "desire to be humiliated" is by a woman? or is it simply the males you have issue with; and because of what you perceive as negative reflection on you.
      It would apply to both, but females don’t seem to need as much. More mental with them. Men like the dog collars, being peed on, dicks slapped, etc. That is far removed from spanking.

  8. It goes like this talkiing to a female at a party.
    "I bet I can spank your butt better than you can spank mine, flip a coin on who goes first
    No way in hell would you call me sumissive cause I like a hot bottom before sex.
    Maybe there ought to be a better handle for guys like us than switch.

  9. I don't bottom (except when I give permission to a close partner - to experience),

    But I have heard comments more than once that were derogatory about sub males. People should just do what pleases them. While it shouldn't matter, it still does to some and that is unfortunate. Things are improving, but they have a long way to go.

    Top/Bottom Dom/sub whatever -- it's all good.

    There are parties where there are plenty of male switches/subs (SCONY comes to mind). But there are other events were male subs are not looked upon fondly.


  10. Hi, Bogie,

    There’s nothing like a good rant to spark an increase in blog comments, so rant away my friend. The only problem with a good rant is it takes me away from my own pulp fiction, and that makes me cotton-picking mad!

    So, the nerve of you, what were you thinking?

    You want me to tell you why you feel the way you do? Being clinically trained, I wouldn’t touch that one with a ten-foot pole. I’m still trying to figure out my own fucked-up life. Far more useful would be for you to ask yourself that question.

    “I am repulsed by what I think is the mainstream male submissive.”

    Now, what causes you to feel that way? Or as Spock (not the baby doctor, for crying out loud) would say, “Fascinating.”

    For me, I don’t care really and have never paid that much attention to men. I tried, but it didn’t work. I spend far too much time looking at women. However, I do prefer soft-spoken men to the more boisterous alpha types. Usually those who talk the loudest are least able to perform when the shit hits the fan.

    “The desire to be humiliated is over the top for me.”

    Wait until you get a little older, every day is a humiliation.

    I’m not sure how those submissive guys ruin it for you. If you like to be spanked, a submissive act, there’s nothing wrong with that in my opinion. Frankly, I like the idea of wearing a nice shamrock green slave’s collar made of plush velvet. However, it might get a tad dirty when I run a few dozen 12-gauge, double-odd buck shells though my pump-action H&K shotgun. That bad boy has a real kick to it, something this pansy-ass is still trying to get the hang of. The AR-15 is so much easier to shoot. (I follow the MainPrepper by the way. I don’t think he’s much into spanking, one way or another.)

    You may have a point about getting one’s balls stepped on by a four-inch stiletto. That would fucking hurt! While I haven’t tired it, yet, it might be titillating to some.

    “But I strongly resent it when this image is reflected on me when I only want to be spanked.”

    Well, fuck me; there’s the problem! You just lost your John Wayne Card! Oh, I forgot, you’re not John Wayne. I always get my leading men mixed up.

    In our society, sex typing abounds. You’d think by 2014 it would have gone the way of the Edzell and the hoola-hoop. But, no, it’s still alive and well. Isn’t every America male both an NFL linebacker by day and a Navy Seal by night? I don’t know about you dudes, but I always pour Tennessee sour over my bowl of nails in the morning. Milk is for weenies.

    “Why you may ask does this get me revved up? I have experienced rejection more than once.”

    That all? I get rejected all the time; it started with my mother. You should have heard what she said about me: “Anna, you have a face only a mother could love, except this one!”

    “I say I switch…”

    Let me help you out: stop there, and then tell her you’ve got a bunch of switches you’re dying to use on her upturned, naked bottom. If she still runs, the word “switch” may not be the problem.

    “Perhaps women’s attitudes have changed?”

    Doubt it.

    Here’s my guess: there’re plenty of women who would love to spank your ass. The problem is you haven’t found them yet.

  11. I wonder what an Annapurna is? You are a hoot for sure.

    On the John Wayne to Peewee Herman scale I come in close to the Duke in physicality. Washed out before the first day of SEAL training and that was in the days when I was shape.
    Also I talk slow and not much. In a crisis, the weird turn pro. HST.

    Here’s my guess: there’re plenty of women who would love to spank your ass. The problem is you haven’t found them yet.
    Well I have Bacall and that is excellent.

  12. Thanks for responding.

    After a couple of drinks, preferably single-malt Scotch, I'm liable to say anything.

    Don’t feel bad about SEAL training; I washed out of Cub Scouts on the second day.

    As for Annapurna,

    It’s the name of an eight-thousand-meter peak in the Nepali Himalayas. In Hindu, she is the mother who feeds, which is ironic considering I’m a poor cook.

    Annapurna has another interesting attribute: of all the Eight-thousand-meter peaks, she has the highest mortality rate for climbers.

  13. After a couple of drinks, preferably single-malt Scotch, I'm liable to say anything.
    My enduring fav is Ardbeg.

  14. My favorites are Bowmore 18 year, Lagavulin 16 year, and Glemorangie 18 year. Because they're expensive, I drink Bushmills Irish Whiskey, which ain't too bad. As my Irish friend is fond of saying, “I'd do more than wash my hands in the Bushmills, and feel right glad I did.”


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