Foolishness since 2007

Foolishness since 2007
Foolishness since 2007

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Spanking Parties

We have written several posts about spanking parties. If you care to read them, just click on ‘Spanking Parties” in the right margin. One of the posts What Happens at Spanking Parties? is fairly descriptive of our experiences.

Why this was on my wee mind again is that I recently read that several women had put attending a party on their bucket list. So I thought I would offer my opinions on the subject. I will do so speaking as the man of a couple. I have no experiences in any other capacity. I would not presume to speak with any precision of what a single person needs to know about such parties.

Most of the parties we have been to have been private affairs. We have only been to two public parties. We definitely prefer private to public. One reason is that the public ones tend to be heavily attended and if you don’t know the people, you could be left in the dust. It helps the man if he has one or more spankable bottoms with him. Most of the action takes place in suites. If you are invited good. If not, you may wish you had saved your money. We have heard that from a lot of folks. That is certainly true of the grand daddy of them all Shadow Lane.

Some public parties have more single males than single females. Regrettably, it always seems that when this happens, the men are not exactly Sean Connery look-a-likes.

Not that many married couples attend parties.

Most of the men are courteous and respect limits.

If you are into spanking, but  not so much the many aspects of BDSM, be careful about parties hosted at dungeons. You may see more than you care to see. I mean after you have seen a man pulling a cart tethered to his scrotum once, it may get old. You will also find more of the slaves and masters crowd. If you want to be tied to St. Andrews cross and flogged this would be your venue. Bacall loves to show off. If you want to better understand this, may I suggest you read the chapter Spanking vs. BDSM in Erica Scott’ new book Late Bloomers.

Body shape: All shapes will be represented. Some groups seem to have more Rubenesque folks. Something to try and ascertain in advance if this is a concern.

Dress: Men would do well to dress in what I call business casual:  nice slacks, ironed shirt, shined shoes. Suits are desirable in some venues.

The REALLY BIG CAVET about parties is jealousy. If your relationship can not tolerate your mate playing nude with a person of the opposite sex behind closed doors, you should rethink your party plans. I can empahsize this enough.

I hope that other bloggers will post something about what to expect at parties, do’s and dont’s, etc. Parties can open a window in you that you did not know existed.

Our party days are over. We were not getting much out of them. Sure I can dress black-on-black and spank women all night. However, such activity gets me revved up to be spanked. And there are damn few women who really want to top. A few will, but their heart is not into it and that is worse than no spanking at all.

We have been posting 5 to 7 days a week for almost a year. Posts will be less frequent in the coming months. First, our lives are changing a bit. All good, but there will be less free time. Second, I am about out of things to say.

I do have a lot of pictures that I want to share, but verbiage will be less. Stop clapping!


  1. Thank you for your excellent post. I have attended medium sized spanking parties, 60 people, organized by the club I belong to: SCONY.
    I was able to chat on line with other members before the first party. We formed a connection before we met in person. I believe it is very important to have friends at a party. They are social events as much as spanking parties and it can be very lonely if you do not know anyone before you attend a party.
    It is very important to be respectful and polite to everyone at the party. Connect with bottoms and tops and get to know people first before you ask them to play. Be clean and ensure your clothing is on the dressy side of business casual. Very clean or new boxer shorts or briefs are a must. Try not to drink alcohol even if you are nervous. That is a big turnoff to the participants at the party.
    If you do play, it is wise not to brat to the top. They may find it annoying and not cute or witty.
    Most of my spanking play is with my wife, but the above comments are what I have learned as a male bottom playing at a party.
    Thanks for your very active blog posts.

  2. How did you know I was clapping:)

    I am one of the women who have spanking parties on a bucket list. I am very curious about them but the more I read I'm not sure I would enjoy once I had attended. But hey you have to try something once before you can say its not for you.

    Thanks for the post and thanks to Joey for his comment, interesting.


  3. Ladies.

    Please play safe. A public spanking party will often provide a safer environment than one on one play especially for a first time experience. Spankos have no tolerance for bad behavior! As a group, we are very protective of the ladies present in the room.

  4. Yes, great post. I'd love to try one someday. Maybe the wife, sometime... :)
    Good luck on your new activities... always a great read here, take care of yourselves!! :)

  5. We do need more posts like this. The big parties can be overwhelming even for veterans, so newbies can certainly feel like they're experiencing sensory overload.

    Most of the big parties have some sort of newbie gathering/mixer, either given by the hosts or by a generous guest. I encourage anyone attending their first party to avail themselves of these if possible.

    Network as much as you can beforehand, get to know some people online. It helps.

    And above all, go with an open mind and no set expectations. You really have no idea what it's going to be like until you're there. Smile. Wear what makes you feel good. And remember, everyone else is as nervous as you are, more or less.

  6. The Party is to some degree on my bucket list.
    Have done just about all things spank but attend.
    On two seperate occasions I was going to do Shadowlane.
    Work got in the way of one, & sadly a funeral got in the way of the other.
    So you are both going to walk the earth in search of that perfect bottle of wine & or paddle? :)
    IRENE was NOT fun!

  7. Hi Bogey,

    I still don't have much time for reading blogs, so I'm a bit late on this. I've just been to Shadow Lane with Ludwig and have written my first report on the subject. Like you and Bacall we went to the party as a couple. I support some of your observations, while having made slightly different experiences on others.

    I think you are right, couples should clarify beforehand what they want to get out of the party and what their limits are. I would for example not be comfortable with Ludwig playing with another woman behind closed doors (nude or not), but since we both don't crave one-on-one play with others, this is not a problem. Indeed we didn't plan to play with any others at all. Our aim was to meet internet friends, chat with them, be inspired for the one or other session between the two of us, watch others play and maybe play a scene in front of others. We finally ended up with playing a few light-hearted scenes with our friends, but only after we had checked that it was okay for both of us.

    Being invited to the suite parties didn't prove to be a problem at SL, because there were several big parties which were open to everyone. I have to admit that by and large I prefer private suite parties with friends, though. With regards to these parties you are of course right, I think chances to be invited to them are best when you know people beforehand, at least from internet chats or blogs.

    We also saw quite a lot of couples as well as of course single men and women. Most of the play was M/F, but we witnessed some F/M play as well. The one constellation we didn't see at all was M/M. Which was a pity for me since I love M/M play. But I have to admit that I hadn't expected to come across M/M scenes at the party. While SL parties are theoretically open to any constellation, their videos don't feature any M/M spankings. That's why I didn't expect any M/M enthusiasts to find their way to the party.

    Being a switch, I would have loved to top males as well (and believe me, my heart would have been into it ;-) ), but the chance didn't occur among our friends and I'm not too keen on playing with complete strangers. So it just didn't happen.


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