Paolo in Dublin had what I thought was an interesting post on the dilemma of spanking and sex. I really wish it had gotten a through discussion, but there were only two comments.
Hermione defined on MBS a spanko as someone who derives sexual pleasure from the act of spanking. It may include giving spankings, receiving them, seeing them, reading about them, other spanking-related activities, or all of the above.
That leaves little room for non-sexual spanking, if there is such a thing.
Our personal observations
When we started going to spanking parties, we decided it would be spanking only.
We heard from many women that some men would go through the motions of spanking, but they were more interested in sex than spanking.
There seems to more women who want just spanking than men willing to just spank. At parties anyway.
Spanking, without sex, with someone outside of your marriage might work, if there is no jealousy on the part of any of the folks involved. That’s a tall order.