I am going to get one of Bacall’s Specials in a few minutes, and you know how that will go. So there is no need for me to describe it. Instead, enjoy this.
Russ and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day, Sam approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Sam. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I plead 'guilty'.
'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.