Even if I had never met Bacall I doubt I would have seen a pro simply because paddling is sexual for me. The pro's websites proclaim there will be no sex period. Without a sexual release, a spanking would be no fun for me.
Absolutely required for me
I'll be honest, I can write things down that I'd never be able to say to someone about spankings. Its a lot easier to express my feelings to you, and I can only imagine the embarrassment I'd feel trying to say them in person. I've talked to a couple of other women who want real punishment spankings sometimes too, so I'm not alone in that, but I would guess we are in the minority. I don't think of them as 'punishment' in the same sense it was when I was spanked as a teenager. Then I deserved to be disciplined for my misbehavior, but now they're really my way of coping with emotional issues. I have a difficult time of letting go of sad and stressful things, and they sort of grate on me after awhile. A hard spanking isn't going to kill me, but crying my eyes out does help on the emotional side, and its a lot cheaper than a therapist. LOL I think my husband would give me those spankings if I asked him to, but I know he really doesn't want to. I was seeing my 'uncle' before I even met him, and when I figured out he was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I told him everything. Thankfully he understood why I needed them so it hasn't been an issue for us. He's met my disciplinarian, and usually goes with me when I need to see him. He's watched me get spanked a couple of times, but most often he sits in the next room until its over.
You asked about anticipation and there is definitely quite a bit of that. Not sexual like with my husband, but I will admit there is a certain excitement that builds up when I know I'm going to see him, my "uncle". Maybe excitement is the wrong word because its more like anxiety or a little feeling of dread, but I still get the butterflies in my stomach and feel that certain tingle in my bottom before it happens. A lot of the feelings are the same as when my Dad spanked me, but now I have a lot longer to think about them. I schedule a visit at least a week or two ahead so it gives me plenty of time for my imagination to run amuck and make me want to change my mind!
I never purposely did anything to get a spanking while at home, but I knew if I got caught doing them I would get spanked, so maybe subconsciously I wanted to get spanked. I definitely didn't enjoy being turned over Dad's knee, and I certainly didn't accept them very well. I think if we had been outside, everyone within two miles would have known Daddy was blistering my bare bottom! LOL