I have several posts in mind that show how Bacall and I view consensual spanking and how it differs with the way others view it. I found this in my To Post folder and it says what we think. I recognize the latter part as my own. I don't think I wrote the first seven paragraphs. The sentence construction is better than mine. I must have I found it on the net and rewrote it.
One of the conundrums of our interest is the reluctance
to ask for it. We learn before we can really talk, to "ask" for what
we want, those things that give us pleasure. But how do you ask for a
spanking? That's punishment, pain, we are not supposed to want that.
So how to do ask for something that you want, but the very asking for
it makes it less desirable to you? You want to give up some control
and to feel controlled. So how do you top from the bottom? (And that's
what has to be done). The bottom has to let the top know what they
want. There have to be some communications and some feedback. Just like
a back rub, we all want it differently. If I rubbed your back like I
liked my rubbed, it would probably not work for you. But unless you
told me, "higher", "rub in a circle right there" and so on, I might
think I had given you the best back rub you had ever had.
Clearly, there needs to be some way for spanko's new to each other to
talk to each other without "blowing the whole scene". Both have very
strong fantasies and to reveal them would mean they are no longer a
fantasy, but a shared knowledge. I think some fantasies are best
locked away for private use. This does not mean that clues about the
nature of the fantasy can not be verbalized, in fact, they must be.
So how can topping from the bottom work, especially in a non-committed
relationship? (i.e. play between two people that have no romantic
interest, that may not even see each other again. To wit, play at a
party) Well, here's a suggestion that might work on that level.
Let's use a teacher/student relationship as the model. The teacher is
a classic authority figure - the teacher must be obeyed. If not, the
student will suffer the consequences. Notice also that this model does
not require any "baggage", any emotional bonds. This could be the
students first day at a new school, no previous relationship is
needed. This is helpful to the role play as likes and dislikes can be
discovered without revealing any "secrets". And everyone can play the
teacher/student model, without so much as a second thought.
Here is where the student can teach the teacher.
The student reports to the teacher for the spanking.
Yes, Julie, why are you here?
Mrs. Markston caught me smoking in the girl's room.
And I was rude to her when she told me to put my cigarette out and come
I see. And what happens to any student that is caught smoking on
school grounds the second time?
They get spanked.
That's correct, this is your second time and I am now going to spank
I wrote all that follows
Julie come over here and look at these paddles (or whatever)
I want you to pick the one that you think you deserve.
I want you to be honest, this is a serious offense, so pick the one
that you know you deserve.
(Julie selects one)
Still another way and my preference:
OK, Julie, would you be more comfortable bending over the desk or
laying over my lap?
(Julie decides and assumes the position)
Julie, I am going to raise your skirt, as it would be meaningless to
spank you over your skirt, slip, and panties. You would not feel a
thing, would you?
The first swap is applied.
Julie, that swap was what I call a five, a medium swap.
I want you to tell me if you thought it was too hard or too light?
If you think it should have been harder, I want you to say a higher
number. If you think it was too light, then I want you to say a lower
number. Do you understand?
OK, then what is your answer and I want you to be honest.
This could continue by asking Julie if she has learned her lesson or
not after every 10 swats. Honest Julie would have to tell the truth. I have employed this many times on new bottoms. It works.
In this simple model, a great deal of what the bottom wants can be
learned on the first encounter, without the bottom giving up any deep
secrets or asking for a spanking. It should also be obvious that the
top has learned the bottoms limits, without exceeding them.
I enjoy emphasizing the erotic or role-play aspects rather than punishment or pain..... I enjoy giving pleasure to others and receive pleasure from knowing play has been mutually enjoyable.
I like reading the bottom's responses, adjusting the spanking,
pushing them, then pulling back, letting them catch their breath just
in time for another onslaught. Catching them off guard, then wearing
down their resistance. It is like dancing, it's like acting. It's art.
Knowing how to spank, where to spank, how fast, how slow, even, random,
patterned, unpredictable. Listening, feeling, seeing the bottom.
Hearing the change in their breathing, feeling their body, seeing
their bottom redden. They let me touch their soul in away. They make
themselves vulnerable to me. They put that responsibility in my hands.
Sharing base emotion with them. Showing the emotions that we usually
keep hidden away in our daily lives. Pain, fear, tears.
And then the aftermath of the spanking.
Taking them to that place in their mind and body where they are open
and exposed and totally vulnerable, then holding them. Protecting
them. That is amazingly beautiful to me. In some ways, it is like peeling
away layers to get to the pure essence. All the layers of protection
are drawn away, all the defenses are stripped. That's part of the
challenge and the beauty of a spanking. Seeing each layer. Knowing
how to peel it away. Which techniques will wear away the defenses
without destroying the precious soul at the center.