Submissive Bacall and I are not. Since we all tend the see the world as we are, understanding a subject we don't have first-hand experience of is problematic. Still, I try.
We don't read blogs that incorporate punishment with spanking. The most popular spanking blog authors are women who do not need to be punished. On the other hand, most spanking blogs depict spanking as punishment. Isn't that odd to you? The setup for most spanking video's have some flimsy reason for a spanking. They talked too long on the phone or some such nonsense. Do we have to be bad in order to be spanked or to accept a spanking? I will come back around to that.
At the extreme, we have met a few women who might be described as doormats. They want a dominate man so much, they will accept a good deal abuse to have Him. As a group, they are insecure, have little self-esteem and are often drama queens. They can not be spanked enough to attain the level of unworthiness they have of themselves. Spank me, humiliate me, let me suck your cock. There is a DSM code for this. Spanking is not a treatment.
Really submissive men are quite different. Their submission goes way beyond spanking. Like the extreme women mentioned above, they can not be spanked or humiliated enough. Many want to take it farther and want to be denied sex - have their equipment locked up, given ruined orgasms and denied vaginal intercourse. At the same time, they want to worship their mistress with their tongues. I wonder why oral sex is seen as being submissive? Bacall and I love making love. If I wanted to forgo penetrative sex and only worship her instead, she would clobber me.
I saw this on a femdom blog the other day - A denied man is an obedient man. A sexually satisfied man is a lazy man. These men must have different DNA than I do. In my younger years, being horny meant I could focus on little else than getting laid. My boss might have described me a lazy.
From another blog: A sub with no pleasure is an anxious and very obediant husband. On the one hand this is very beneficial for you. He will endlessly think that "today" is the day that he will be allowed a lovely little orgasm and if he is REALLY lucky, it just might be inside you.
That is ultimate submission to me folks. I don't get the thrill of no sex. When I am paddled or when I paddle, the outcome is the same, we are both going to get laid. I was born with a certain number of heartbeats and a limited number of orgasms. While my heart is still beating, I intend to have every single orgasm I can. I do regret that my days of every day or even more than once a day are gone. Come to think of it, the heart is no longer what it once was.
I read some femdom blogs and I really wonder if all of the writers are women or men posing as women. Is this a women writing? I decided to spank him and then fuck him up the ass….."Reach down and hold your cheeks wide apart for me. I want to see what I'm going to fuck." I told him…..."Are you going to take it up the ass like a two dollar whore?" I asked him. Lots of men and women like some type of anal stimulation. Why does it need to be forceful or sadistic?
I very recently learned, from an un-impeachable source, that there really are women who like to be served by men and do not charge for it.
Absolutely, there are femdom women who don't charge fees. They tend to be lifestylers, into having slaves or subs all the time, not just for paid sessions.
A man I know used to play regularly with a pro domme. She never charged him a dime. Her reasoning was, "With clients, I have to keep the scene to what THEY want. With YOU, I can do whatever I want."Another take, spanking is play.
From: SEXUELLE: July 2013
This is something like Bacall and I practice. It is part of a reply Sexuelle made to a reader question.
I have a feeling that I am in the minority of women that while I enjoy domination sexually, I also don't have anything to do with punishment for punishments sake. What I mean is that spanking and other forms of light BDSM play is just that, play.. all in fun, unless there is maybe the occasional role play going on where the punishment/discipline is part of the game/scene.
However, spanking with a partner, especially a sexual partner, can be COMPLETELY different, especially since you find being dominated is very arousing.
I am telling you there is nothing so arousing as being over your man's lap (again speaking from my point of view and experience). There is so much other than the spanking itself that all makes up the experience. It is being in his control, knowing you are trusting him, knowing this is what he wants to do, that he is dominating, in charge, macho, his hard body so contrasting with your softer one. The feel of his muscular thighs beneath you. And the feel of his hard cock pushing against you. And I promise it will be very hard. I am betting that there are few guys that would not be.
Then there is the spanking. The feel of heat and sting coursing thru your body as you squirm against him, so wanting more until a point where you almost beg for him to stop and desperately hope he does not. At this point, is when if I am going to have an orgasm (which has happened many times) it is almost mind numbing. If not, I will be going nuts for one. I will be so hot, wet, and probably begging him to stop and fuck me already.
And then it happens. Some of the best sex of your life, I promise. Sex after spanking is nuclear. You will kick yourself for not having done this sooner.
That is what I urge you anyone to try. Forget the punishment mindset for now, and try it!
Well said Sexuelle!