These are my personal thoughts and I don’t claim they are universal or even that apply to anyone else.
I was paddled often as a youth. Each time was torture for me. None of them had any effect on my behavior.
In along ago time, I paddled women for punishment. They all wanted to be punished when they broke the rules they established for themselves. I was honored to accommodate them. Yeah, I thought I was doing good. All of the women were strong, independent, talented in their careers, several were making six figures. Two other things they had in common were intentionally breaking the rules to earn a paddling and having pleasant day dreams about their paddlings. I don’t know if their masturbatory sessions involved having sex with me or just the thought of me paddling them. [There was no sex in our relationship] The deal was, they intentionally did things to earn a paddling and then later played the session back for sexual release.
I can relate to the need to feel cared for, to have someone who cares about you enough to punish you if you cross a line. I have to question if the rules are broken again and again and the punishment becomes fodder for sexual day dreams, WHERE IS THE PUNISHMENT!
I saw this on a f/m Blog:
.......here is one picture from just prior to another spanking that Evan received. As you can see, Evan was semi-erect before that spanking started. I like to keep him in a state of sexual denial well before and after a spanking, so he is often hard before we start. I like to then spank the erection out of him: that is somehow very satisfying.
So the thought of getting a spanking is sexually stimulating for Evan. And I would wager the remembrance is equally stimulating just as it was for the women I paddled. So again, I ask, WHERE IS THE PUNISHMENT?
I can not imagine why the woman likes to keep him in sexual denial. Perhaps she does not like sex with him or does like sex at all.
Michael expressed how punishment and sex work together for him and his wife:
What we are into is a FLR where I have grown to express my feelings of submission and where I expect and wish to be punished when I have let my partner down. The threat of such a punishment and talking about it beforehand is extremely erotic and goes straight to my head and my lower parts. I can get off on this pre-punishment phase for ever and a day. I can also go to bed happy and lively for sex a few hours after the punishment is over, thinking about what happened and how each of us might have looked during the discipline session. The punishment itself is not erotic. It is matter of fact and quite hard work for both of us.
Thanks Michael, I can see how this could be therapeutic for you.